Yesterday I sat down in reflective prayer with my new agenda book and began writing down my resolutions for the year. I began with categories: professional, physical, relational, and spiritual. An hour later, satisfied, I finished my list, confident in the list of things I wanted to accomplished. When I looked back over what I had written, I realized my extensive goals and steps for reaching them looked a little like this: DO EVERYTHING BETTER END UP BEING PERFECT.
For real. My goals were to fix every little thing I don’t currently like about myself (spoiler alert: that list isn’t very short).
I was a little shocked, to be honest. This year has been a fight with the good ole’ Lord as he has pried every single finger of mine off the grand idea of Perfection. I thought we were mostly over it. I put up a good fight with all I had in me, but He won all three knock down drag out rounds, like He tends to do. But there it was again, disguised under the premise of yearly tradition. I stared right at it and saw that my deepest desire isn’t to know God better, to be a good wife, to even eradicate poverty. My deep dark desire is much less noble—I just wanna have it all together because somehow I think I'll then be immune to sadness and discontent.
Today, I opened my SheReadsTruth app to find this:
“This year, instead of resolving to finally get it right, let’s resolve to walk with Him as He makes it right.
Instead of determining to get better, let’s determine to get closer to Him through His word.
Instead of making a list of all that we will do on our own, let’s notice all that He is already doing.”
Um, yeah, that sounds much better than my plans. The beauty of Jesus is that HE CAME TO DO THE WORK. So, yeah, I want to get things done this year. I want to lose the weight, write the book, get it right. But that’s not my focus. Instead, I’m resolving to walk with Him as He makes it right.
(And, yup, you better believe that quote is written in my shiny new planner.)